Top 5 Reasons a Plug Will Blow You Off:
- “Ran Outta Gas, Bro” – Translation: They’re too stoned to drive or can’t find their keys.
- “My Phone Died” – AKA: They’re ghosting you for a better-paying customer.
- “Had to Take My Grandma to Bingo” – Because sometimes, excuses are more creative than their strain names.
- “Got Stuck in Traffic” – In a state with no rush hour, this one’s as believable as unicorns.
- “I’ll Be There in 5 Minutes” – Which, in plug time, is more like next Tuesday.
Growing up in a time when getting weed meant dealing with shady characters and uncertain quality, I understand the nostalgia some Utah residents have for the black-market cannabis scene. But now, as a 40-year-old Utah medical cannabis patient, I’ve come to appreciate the perks of going legal: excellent customer service, high-quality craft cannabis, greater purchasing power, and the sheer joy of avoiding sketchy dealers and the anxiety they bring. Yet, despite the clear advantages, some still swear by the black market. It’s time to remind everyone why this underground route is not just archaic but also dangerous – and a complete waste of time.
First, let’s talk about the waiting game. Back in the day, trying to score some weed meant waiting around for a dealer to show up—if they showed up at all. Picture this: you’re in a random parking lot, trying not to look suspicious while scanning every car that drives by. When they finally arrive, you’re relieved, but the anxiety isn’t over. Now you have to follow them to their house, a place that usually feels as welcoming as a haunted house in a horror movie. You’re stuck making awkward small talk with someone who probably has a pet snake or a sketchy collection of knives on display.
To make matters worse, dealers often expect you to run your errands on their schedule, not yours. I prefer to do things when it’s convenient for me, not when someone else dictates. With legal dispensaries, I can buy my cannabis when I need to, without having to rearrange my day around someone else’s availability. Many Utah dispensaries are open on Sunday, too.
When you finally get the goods, it’s always a gamble. Dealers don’t offer the variety that dispensaries do; it’s a classic case of “take it or leave it.” Sometimes you get decent stuff, but more often than not, you end up with something that looks like it was scraped off the bottom of a lawnmower. And let’s not forget the times you get shorted or provided with hemp disguised as cannabis. There’s nothing more frustrating than paying for a full ounce and finding out you were ripped off. What are you going to do, call the cops?
Speaking of being ripped off, let me share a personal horror story from my college days in Indiana. Unfamiliar with the local scene, this small-town Nevada kid made some poor decisions about whom to ask for weed. This not only led to getting robbed and fighting for my life in a back alley but also put my life and freedom at risk. One wrong move in the black market can lead to violence, or worse. This is not an exaggeration—people have lost their lives over less.
Sure, black-market weed might be cheaper, but what’s the real cost? You risk legal trouble, getting subpar or even dangerous products, and supporting an illegal industry that doesn’t contribute to our community. When you buy from a dealer, you’re not just breaking the law; you’re also missing out on the benefits of being a medical cannabis patient. Legal cannabis is tested, regulated, and safe. You know exactly what you’re getting, and you have options tailored to your specific medical needs. Being legal produces a high of its own.
Let’s talk about the joys of dispensary shopping. It’s like stepping into a high-end boutique compared to a shady back alley. Knowledgeable budtenders and staff guide you through a wide range of products, helping you find exactly what you need. They won’t even make you wait while they finish their Magic the Gathering quest. Whether it’s a specific strain for pain relief or an edible for a good night’s sleep, dispensaries have it all. Plus, the customer service is top-notch throughout Utah. Gone are the days of feeling like a criminal just for wanting to relax or manage your pain. And let’s be honest—every dealer swears they have the “real fire,” but how often have you been misled? Dispensaries offer transparency and consistency that underground dealers simply can’t match. You know what you’re getting, and you’re getting the best.
Just the other day, I was driving home from BLOC in South Jordan after picking up some Pure Plan Hash Rosin, one of my new favorite concentrates to puff on. Clearly excited to get home and enjoy the craft product, I got pulled over on Interstate 15. Now, in my 40 years of dealing with the cops and carrying cannabis, this was the first time my heart didn’t do an Olympic vault out of my chest. After getting a warning, it hit me while driving away—not once did I worry about the cop finding my stash sitting in the passenger seat next to me, or even thinking about it. So much for muscle memory, huh? It’s amazing what a little legality can do for your peace of mind. Plus, my tolerance for bullshit has diminished over the years, and the less stress, the better for everyone involved.
As the publisher at Salt Baked City, I like to practice what I preach and only get my cannabis from Utah medical cannabis dispensaries. I don’t think it’s because I’m a square and scared of the cops, but I’d rather live a less hectic and paranoid life. Knowing my cannabis is legal, safe, and high-quality brings a peace of mind that the black market can’t offer.
By getting a Utah medical cannabis card, you’re not only improving your own experience but also contributing to a greater cause. Every citizen who gets a card is a testament to the legitimacy of cannabis as medicine. It’s a powerful statement to those on Capitol Hill that we support a regulated, safe, and accessible cannabis market. We’re showing that cannabis isn’t just a recreational indulgence; it’s a vital part of healthcare for many Utahns.
Finally, there’s the simple pleasure of knowing you’re doing something legal and beneficial for your health. It’s like a natural dopamine boost. No more paranoia about getting caught, no more dodgy dealings. Just pure, unadulterated relief and enjoyment.
In conclusion, while the black market might offer cheaper prices, it comes with a high cost of safety, quality, and peace of mind. The legal route offers a far superior experience—one that’s safer, more reliable, and better for our community. So, Utah, let’s ditch the black market and embrace the green revolution. Get your medical cannabis card and experience the difference for yourself. It’s not just about getting high; it’s about getting well.
